notes

he sits at his desk. with a pen. and a piece of paper. writing notes. for a lecture. that will never be given. the topic is one. he's familiar with. something he's taught. for years. as he writes. he thinks about his students. the ones he had. when he was still teaching. they were young. and eager. to learn. and he was happy. to teach them. but that was years ago. now he's retired. and the students are gone. still he writes. the notes. for no one. it's a habit. he can't break. a way of thinking. that's hard to shake. the words flow. onto the page. as he writes. about the subject. sometimes he pauses. to think about a point. or to look something up. the room is quiet. with only the sound. of the pen. on the paper. as the hours pass. the notes grow. longer and more detailed. he stops. to take a break. and looks around. the room is filled. with books. and papers. he thinks about. all the lectures. he's given. over the years. and all the students. he's taught. and he wonders. if any of it. has made a difference. the pen lies. on the desk. next to the paper. he gets up. and walks away. the notes remain. unfinished.