a cousin's wedding

I don't know why I almost didn't attend my cousin's wedding. Maybe it was the distance, the fact that I'd have to take a flight and then a taxi and then walk a bit to get to the venue. Or maybe it was the feeling that I'd be a stranger among people I'd known all my life. I think it's because we'd all grown up and grown apart, our lives taking different paths. I remember walking into the hall and being hit with the smell of biryani and the sound of laughter. It was overwhelming, in a good way. I saw people I'd known since childhood, people I'd played with and fought with and grown up with. We exchanged awkward hugs and tried to catch up on each other's lives. It was like trying to summarize a decade in a few minutes. I don't know how to describe it, but it felt like we were all pretending to be the people we used to be, instead of the people we'd become. I think that's what weddings do, they bring people together and force them to confront the distance between them. My cousin looked happy, beaming in her red dress, and I was happy for her. But I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was an outsider, looking in. Maybe it's because I'd been away for too long, or maybe it's because I'd changed too much. I don't know. As I walked around the hall, I saw my aunt, my uncle, my grandparents. They all looked older, grayer, but also happier. They'd all moved on with their lives, and I was just a visitor, a reminder of the past. I think that's what I struggled with, the feeling that I didn't belong anymore. I remember eating the food, trying to recognize the flavors and the textures. It was all familiar, but also strange. I think that's what happens when you're away for too long, everything becomes familiar and strange at the same time. I saw my cousin's husband, a tall, lanky man with a kind smile. He looked like he belonged, like he'd always been part of the family. I was happy for my cousin, happy that she'd found someone who made her happy. As the night wore on, I found myself getting lost in the crowd. I think that's what happens when you're a stranger among people you used to know. You get lost in the familiarity, in the memories. I saw people dancing, laughing, having a good time. I think I even danced a bit, though I don't remember. It was all a blur, a mix of colors and sounds and smells. I think what I took away from the wedding was the realization that people move on, that life goes on. My cousin had moved on, found someone new, started a new life. And I was just a visitor, a reminder of the past. I don't know how to process that, how to deal with the fact that I'm no longer a part of that world. I remember walking out of the hall, into the cool night air. It was a relief, a respite from the chaos and the noise. I think I needed that, needed to get away from the familiarity and the strangeness. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I'll always look back on that wedding as a reminder of the past, of the people I used to know, of the life I used to have.