i'm fine

I say it to myself every day. I'm fine. Most days I almost mean it. The words feel like a reflex now, a conditioned response to the constant inquiries from family and friends. They ask how I'm doing and I tell them I'm fine. It's easier that way. Easier than explaining the intricacies of my emotions, easier than delving into the complexities of my mind. I'm fine. It's a phrase that has become a shield, a barrier between me and the world. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn't say it. If I let the truth seep out, like water from a cracked pipe. Would they be able to handle it? Would I? I'm fine. The words echo in my head, a mantra of sorts. A reminder that I'm still standing, still breathing. Still pretending to be okay. I think about all the times I've said it and not meant it. The times I've said it and meant it. The times I've said it and felt a pang of guilt for lying. It's a strange thing, this need to reassure others that we're okay. This need to put on a mask and hide our true selves. I'm fine. It's a phrase that has become a part of me, a part of my daily ritual. A reminder that I'm still here, still trying to make sense of this world. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about the what-ifs. What if I didn't say it? What if I told the truth? What if I let my guard down and let the world see the real me? The thought sends a shiver down my spine. It's a terrifying prospect, one that I'm not sure I'm ready for. I'm fine. The words are a comfort, a reminder that I'm still in control. Still holding on to the fragments of my sanity. I'm fine. I say it again, this time to myself. A reminder that I'm still here, still standing. Still pretending to be okay. And for a moment, I almost believe it. I'm starting to realize that saying 'I'm fine' is not just about reassuring others, it's also about reassuring myself. It's a way of convincing myself that everything will be alright, that I can handle whatever life throws at me. It's a way of coping, of dealing with the uncertainty and chaos that surrounds us. I'm fine. The words are a balm to my soul, a soothing melody that calms my nerves. It's a phrase that I've grown accustomed to, a phrase that I've made my own. And as I say it, one more time, I feel a sense of peace wash over me. I'm fine. For now, at least, I'm fine.