an afternoon

we sat across from each other in a quiet cafe. years since we last spoke. i ordered a coffee. he had tea. we talked about the weather. then our jobs. careful with every word. he mentioned a book he'd read. i lied about reading it too. the author's name was unfamiliar. i made a mental note to look it up. my mind began to wander. to a similar cafe on the other side of town. where i used to meet my sister. she'd always be late. and i'd get annoyed. but this was different. this was two old friends meeting after years. both careful with what they say. we walked out of the cafe. into the afternoon sun. it was warm. not too warm. he mentioned a mutual friend. who'd passed away. a few years back. i remembered the funeral. the eulogy. the faces in the crowd. as we stood there. on the sidewalk. i thought about all the things we weren't saying. the conversations we used to have. late into the night. about life. and everything else. now it was just small talk. he glanced at his watch. said he had to go. i nodded. we shook hands. and he walked away. i stood there for a moment. feeling the sun on my face. thinking about nothing in particular. then i started walking too. the rest of the day was uneventful. i went home. made some dinner. watched a movie. went to bed. but my mind kept going back to that cafe. and our conversation. the next day was similar. and the day after that. but the memory of that afternoon lingered. i started thinking about other afternoons. similar to that one. with other people. in different places. and how they all seemed to blend together. i wasn't sure what to make of it. or what i was supposed to feel. but it was something. a few days later. i saw a book by that author. in a bookstore. i bought it. and started reading. it was good. but not great. sometimes i think about calling him. to talk about the book. but i don't. and that's how it stays. a conversation. that never quite happened. an afternoon. that's still with me.